Posted by
Whitney Philson
closeAuthor: Whitney Philson
Name: Whitney Philson
Email: whitney@limerencemag.com
Site:
About: See Authors Posts (14) on Jan 31, 2012 in
Literature |
6 comments
The search for a good comic to riff is a frustrating one. A comic can be bad without being riffable and most golden age comics tease with an over-the-top cover only to have insipid stories inside. However after much fruitless searching, the ridiculous, pulpy cover of this sci-fi comic caught my eye and actually delivered on the related story within. I can assure you it delivers on all the tender robot loving you readers have been waiting for. As a special treat, Vee Lagrome, bossman and owner of Limerence, will be adding her wit to the throwdown.
Whitney: I feel like this cover has a message just beyond the surface: in intimacy we are not unlike detached, drooling aliens preying on humanity. Or something.
Vee: What the fuck am I looking at? Is this considered a threesome? The alien controlling the rape-bot looks far too pleased.
Panel one-
- Whitney: Having the earth referred to by outsiders as “Good pickin’s” is never a good sign.
- Vee: “Um, my rape-bot… it’s uh… totally trying to rape yours all on its own! I swear!” -”Bullshit! Get the fuck off of me!”
Panel two-
- Whitney: The typical ‘what they value highly is useless on our planet’ setup. Oh, you Blyntzyns!
- Vee: “They have water and sand! Joy of joys! We must harvest these materials at once! Unleash the rape-bots!” They don’t have sand on their planet? Are you serious? What the fuck is their planet made of? Shitty comic books and feces?
Panel five-
- Whitney: Yikes! There are people around. Doesn’t she know that at any moment aliens could be watching?! Tsk tsk. And where the heck did she get that ginormous glass bottle anyway? Though I suppose she could keep several under her fur coat for boyfriend-head bashing impulses.
- Vee: Wait, so are the rape-bots still raping each other? What happened to them? These aliens are just stupid. “Gosh gee darn golly whiz, Mr. Other Alien, them dagnabbited humans done got those fancy nukes and all’s we got is the ability to travel at lightspeed!” -”I know Mr. Previous Alien. I have already thoroughly soiled my pants. Should we make a quick getaway or stick around for a stupid plan sure to fail?”
Panel Six-
- Whitney: Two-machine gun Gus, I don’t think your gangster reputation should be your primary concern. You probably have a concussion.
- Vee: Does Gus often break down into tearful monologues in the street or is it just for extraterrestrial visitors in search of sand and wood?
Panel Two-
- Whitney: Why are they totally disregarding the evidence that humans look nothing like their robots (with the exception of the face)?! Put some clothing on them at least! Give humanity some credit. We’re not that gullible.
- Vee: “Even though we’re sniveling dipshit cowards, we made the lucky mistake of creating rape-bots that look vaguely like idealized versions of metallic humans and we remembered to bring them along on our trip through space to Earth!” “Isn’t that a huge coincidence that will make this whole story seem contrived and hard for readers to accept?” “….” “….” “Shut the hell up.”
Panel Five-
- Whitney: Um, let’s not get a big head now. The world is kind of a big scale.
- Vee: Well, at least she’s not a pretentious bitch.
Panel Six-
- Whitney: Whoa! Watch where you’re going! No robot is worth ripping your cooch over.
- Vee: She may have ripped off the side of her thigh while leaping over the spiked fence, but it’s the extraordinary blood-loss that led to that warm feeling running down her leg that she calls love. (You can even see the chunk of skinless flesh in the panel after her leap.)
Panel One-
- Whitney: Jeaze, earth girls are easy.
- Vee: And that’s what they call “desperate”.
Panel Two-
- Whitney: Wait, they’re that excited over a dropped handkerchief? *pictures it* Oh.
- Vee: Clearly, they want her cold, metallic boobs.
Panel Two-
- Whitney: Robot panty shot!
- Vee: “Packed in grease?! Why that… that… oh god my gears are grinding and my buzzer is going crazy!”
Panel Four-
- Whitney: Is it weird that I feel bad for Blep and Shlep? I mean I know they were trying to dominate the world but did they really deserve to be punted off a cliff?
- Vee: “Let us stand precariously on the edge of the cliff with our backs to the robots that have already been established earlier in the story to be capable of exercising free will!” “Great idea! We’re so smart! Bwahahaha!”
Panel Six-
- Whitney: Well, I guess that’s slightly better than the redundant ‘who are the real monsters?’ ending most sci-fi invasion comics have.
- Vee: Afterward, the robots’ furiously horny grinding produced sparks which touched off massive wildfires which caused deaths, a hole in the ozone layer the size of Antarctica, and the extinction of humans on the planet. Eventually, the robots became bored with each other and decided to date other people. THE END.
That’s hilarious!
if someone told me id get all their money for a kiss id do it
Lol! Yeah, but you have to wonder about the sanity of the person offering.
Another great Riff…You two are the dynamic duo of Comic Riffing! This is the Golden Age of Rape-Bots!
Hi, great post! Thanks..
Remember that the biggest public grievance in Revenge of the Fallen was the two stereotyped robots, dubbed by most as the ?? ghetto bots.